Activated Nuts

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So, these have been creeping into menus lately and I am currently reading Sarah Wilson’s book called ‘I quit sugar‘ and low and behold there was a recipe for said activated almonds. I am going to try them out tonight. Still skeptical but it’s worth giving it a go I guess.

I am going to try out her 8 week program as it sounds fantastic and I eat that much food as it is! Another Aussie called Kate (Inspired Mood) has done the same and she makes it easier to understand.

My best snack ever: activated nuts.You can buy these in health food shops, but they’re expensive. Make your own in bulk: soak a huge bag of almonds overnight in a pot of water with a tbls of rock salt. Drain. Lay out on a baking tray and “heat” in the oven at the lowest temperature possible (less than 65 C; for gas ovens – on the pilot light) for 12-24 hours. Crunchy, slightly toasty goodness. PLUS they’re full of enzymes – activated nuts have sprouted, which means their digestive enzymes have been activated, making them easier to digest, but also great for your metabolism overall. The more enzymes you eat, the less of your own body’s enzymes are required to break down food…which keeps you younger, longer.

Being beautiful and sexy and human

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One of my favourite sites to visit is post secret. If you have never been, I would encourage you to do so.  Most people struggling with their weight  would understand this site more than others (although I do believe that everyone has “something” that they fight with all their lives).  Given my first post, I think that maybe, some day in the near future, I will honestly be able to say these words.

Voluptuous and proud (I think)

big and beautiful

No matter what size you are, the one thing I have learnt is that confidence will win the day.  It has taken me 42 years to discover this, and I am still on the journey.  I came across this picture recently and immediately thought, “wow, she looks so beautiful”.  I didn’t look at her body; I looked at her face, her hair and the sparkle in her eyes.

But it’s a whole different story when I look at myself.  All I see is what’s wrong, and I am not alone in this.  I see my tummy that’s too big, my legs that have just started to rub together at the top and my breasts that are not as perky as they use to be to name just a few.  Why is it that I can’t look at myself as I do this beautiful girl in the picture?  I am even a little smaller than her.  But no, those voices start with the nasty chatter and can stay with me for hours, sometimes days.  

I spent a lot of 2008 working on this voice inside me that wants to trip me up at every turn.  It’s usually a she, but sometimes the voice is a he.  Today that voice is not as loud as it’s been previously in my life.  It took a lot of courage and pain to get to where I am today.  I spent two months in 5 hours of therapy a day, 5 days a week and I still attend weekly appointments with my psychiatrist.  It helps.  A lot.

I just read this snippet from Oprah’s web site and for me it really rang true:  

“My goal isn’t to be thin. My goal is for my body to be the weight it can hold—to be strong and healthy and fit, to be itself. My goal is to learn to embrace this body and to be grateful every day for what it has given me” 

It’s why I have embarked on this journey – to look and feel healthy and beautiful no matter what my size.  I realize now that my body was unhappy with me and it just got bigger and bigger until I had to pay attention to it.

Dear body:  you have been heard.

2009 will be my year

This online diary will document my struggle (and eventual success) to lose weight and become fit and healthy.  I have decided to go with Weight Watchers on-line version of their program.  I lost nearly 20lbs on it when I was living in New York City.  I know it can work, so it’s a safe option for me.  I officially started with WW on the 13th January, 2009.  

I am at the heaviest I have ever been, weighing in at 87.5kgs (192.5lbs).  I was shocked.  When I last went on WW 7 years ago I thought I was heavy at 155lbs (70.4kgs).

Rather than beat myself up, I decided to take control and get down to a weight where I felt happy.  I don’t need to be “skinny” or “thin” like I wanted to in my 20’s and 30’s.  No, today I want to feel energetic, toned and beautiful.  Especially for my boyfriend who supports and loves me no matter what my size.

I also want to examine the relationship I have with my body.  Now into my 40’s, I expect less from it (I don’t want, or need to be perfect).  I struggled with bulimia throughout my 20’s and 30’s.  All I wanted to be was thin.  I thought that if I could just do that, then the rest of my life would work out.  Well it didn’t.  I still felt big and ugly and drove away the people in my life that loved and accepted me for who I was.

After a very hard time, including a 2 month stint in hospital from depression in 2008, I am going make the most of my life in 2009 and beyond.  I am in a great relationship, I am finally home after living away for nearly 20 years and I have just started my own business.

And so my journey starts…….