About being a “new me”

I thought you all might like to see a picture of my beautiful boys!

At this time I wrote my first post here on Carolyn Wants To Shrink I was weighing in at around 88kgs.  Little did I realise that over the next 20 or so months I would put on another 10kgs.  I am usually a happy chappie when I weigh between 60 and 65kgs.  Now that is a whole lot of weight gain in anyone’s book.

There were a number of reasons as to why I was unhappy, eating too much, drinking too much – but when it comes down to it, I really didn’t like who I was and that resulted in me not looking after my body.  So my body did something clever – it got bigger and bigger until I paid attention to it.

It will be six weeks ago tomorrow since I walked into Dr Rensburg’s office and began to take responsibility for what I was putting into my mouth and how I was nourishing my body.

The one thing I was most ‘scared’ about was not getting enough food (yes, how right I was).  Crazy thing is I am around way more food than I need to be 24 hours a day – so what was it really?

Then it dawned on me…  I was petrified of being hungry.

The one thing this program has taught me is it’s OK to be hungry.  Nothing will happen to me if I’m hungry.  I will not faint, I will not, not be able to work.  I will be OK.  I find an incredible amount of comfort in this fact, liberating almost.

Now I know that there will always be food to eat, and it’s OK to be hungry and my body will not fail me because I am not constantly feeding it.

Crazy times

Yes, I promise I am still here.  This week and last have been so crazy with work and Mr Man being back.  Not to mention the number of cocktail parties and work functions on.

Good news is I am down another 1kg, and not ONCE did I even take a drink or food off my plan.  I am coming up to week six now and I couldn’t be happier with me.  Me because I am doing what I said I would.

I promise to write a big post (maybe even tonight) about the “fear of feeling hungry” – I have a lot to say on this one!

To all my American buddies, I hope y’all had a great Thanksgiving.

Much love, Carolyn

Distracting myself

I took a long walk around Lake Monger this afternoon. I’m beyond hungry at the moment and over ate a little today. By over eating I mean 2 extra pieces of fruit and 4 rice cakes.

Tomorrow I will go for another walk. Perhaps the beach. I feel very lucky to be blessed with such choices.

More on the eating tomorrow. Hope you’re all having a great weekend.

Around this time of day

It seems that around the 4pm mark onwards I start dreaming about what I want to eat for dinner.  That’s when I hit the food blogs and imagine cooking up a storm that night.

The thing I miss most being on this plan is being able to cook.  I love cooking, even after a long day at work.  Tonight if I was able to cook, this would be on the menu for sure.  Click here for the link to this recipe from Sprouted Kitchen.

It’s been a good weekend and I am still on the plan.  I am now starting to get comments about losing weight and I must admit that I love it.

I will write a longer post about it all either tonight or tomorrow – it’s been a crazy day at work.

Hope you all had a good weekend.

Water weight

Weigh-in day was yesterday.  I was suspicious that I was holding on to a lot of fluid as the rings on my fingers were tight.  I’m having way too much salt at the moment, so I’ve made the decision to wean myself off it.

This will be hard as I have an exceptionally strong craving for salty snacks all the time.  We will see how we go with this one. Yet another thing I have to give up.  Yes I am feeling a little sorry for myself today.

Anyway, back to the subject of my weight in.

I‘ve lost another 0.5 kgs.  Yes, good that it’s a loss but it just didn’t seem right.  The councillor and I went through my week of food (I was having one tomato too much each day – go figure), but to only have lost that small amount given I’m eating only 600-700 calories per day doesn’t make sense.

The amazing thing was I didn’t let the small weight loss get to me.  My usual behaviour would have been to race directly to the fridge for a couple of glasses of wine and some seriously salty snacks, but no I didn’t.

I thought to myself, it’s must be fluid retention.  Lets just keep going and check in on the scales at home in the morning.  How far I have come in two weeks.

This morning I jumped on the scales and low and behold, they actually read I’d lost around 8kgs all told.  Now, I’m not silly enough to think that the doctors scales are out, but it does reassure me that there was some fluid retention at play yesterday and next week I will have a better reading.

My clothes are so much bigger on my now, and I am fitting into a beautiful coat that I bought online in winter.  It was way too small a couple of months back.

This weekend I am going to walk around Lake Monger each day and enjoy having a clear head and leaner body.

I would also like to state for the record that I have not have a drink for 16 days and I’ve never felt better.  My relationship to alcohol is changing for the better.  I still need time to process the ‘not drinking’ thing a little more before I talk about it here.

Have a brilliant weekend and thanks so much for the comments and your support this week – it makes a HUGE difference.


Today at work I had a meeting where the team sat around a HUGE jar of licorice all-sorts and slowly demolished the lot. I am so proud of myself for not even having one. I love licorice. Anything licorice and I am there. I even remember my favourite ice-cream flavour when I was little – licorice. I kid you not. Licorice root tea is one of my fav’s in the afternoon, but of course I am not allowed that on this draconian eating plan – yes I’m a little pissed off with the lack of choice today.

I am sure it’s some kind of test or training to get you into a mode for maintenance – which Dr Rensburg has assured me is way harder than actually losing all this weight. OH GREAT!

So tonight when I got home all I could think about was having dinner. With the limited amount of ingredients I went for spinach, mushrooms and tomato that I cooked down into a little ratatouille with chili. I teamed that with the usual 95 grams of veal. All cooked with no oil or fat of any kind. And yes, that is a normal size plate so you can get a sense of how little food there actually is.

Good news is I am full. Very full. My tummy has been playing up a little bit over the past few days. It feels very bloated. Ever since I ate that little bit too much cabbage. Cabbage has never really been my friend, but its filling and that’s what I was going for. Oh well, you live and, hopefully learn.

Tomorrow I will have a full breakfast and fast until Thursday morning – weigh-in day. I don’t feel like I have lost any weight this week (I think this has to do with me feeling bloated), but given how much I have consumed over the past week, there is no way I cannot have lost something.

Time will tell.

Heading into Week 2

Last night at Lake Monger

It’s now been eleven days and I’m still going strong.  I must admit that over the weekend I really, really wanted to feel full (by stuffing myself with food), but with the success of Thursday’s weight-in, I didn’t want to spoil it.

Oh, did I forget to tell you?  FOUR POINT SEVEN KILOS (10.3 lbs).

Yes you heard it straight.  I was convinced that I had lost about 3kgs.  Mr Man thought that it was 5kgs.  I am ecstatic at what I’ve achieved in the first week.

Dr Rensburg really didn’t want to tell me how much I had lost.  Now I really get why.  All I can think about at the moment is how much I can lose this week.  He warns us against this time and time again.

I just have to keep my eye on the prize and push through.  Push through wanting:

  • A glass of wine (or two) in the evening with Mr Man
  • A big cooked breakfast on a Saturday morning
  • More than 95grams of vegetables or salad at any one time
  • A martini (or two)
  • My favorite pasta salad
  • A baked potato (with cheese)
  • Being able to go out with friends and not feel like the ‘downer’
  • Cheese, cheese and more cheese
  • Toast with butter and Vegemite
  • A sausage roll
  • Onion (I would love to be able to cook with it to spice up my food)

It’s worth it though.  Being able to fit into clothes that have been hanging in my closet for the last five years will reward all of this suffering effort.  I cannot wait.

Anyways, back to yesterday.  I was SO hungry.  I just wanted to feel satiated.  I wanted to feel not hungry.  At lunch I ate nearly 250grams of cabbage, not the 95 grams as I should have.  Boy did I feel guilty.  I know it’s ridiculous to think that  a mere 20 calories of food has had me fall off the wagon, but I am an all or nothing gal.

Rather than sit there and sulk about being bad, I got my ass out of the house and off to Lake Monger for a 3.5km walk.  It was such a beautiful evening.  There were so many people out and about walking their dogs, running, having picnics and watching the ducklings play in the water.

Now I am back on track and heading into another week of the program.