A change of mind (and heart)

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I don’t know how many times on this blog I have said the words “it’s finally time.  I am taking responsibility for my health and happiness”.  Well my friends I am going to say it again.

I’ve had quite a hard time of it lately. I was not looking after my health, I was drinking way too much, I was eating about three times the average amount of food a normal person should eat, sometimes secretly.  All of this ended up with me gaining not only weight but also questioning who I want to be for the rest of my life.

On July 11th this month I turned 47.  Now I’m not big on the age thing.  It is what it is, but this time I could actually notice myself aging. I could see my skin getting that little bit thinner and dry.  My period, which was as reliable as Big Ben, was now all over the place, sometimes not coming for months at a time.  Gravity was beginning to really come calling and I was feeling VERY sorry for myself.

Knowing that I hadn’t had proper ‘get on a plane with a passport vacation’ for years, my oldest and dearest friend talked me into going to Phuket to a luxurious villa.  Needless to say from the picture above it was amazing.

Unfortunately the second night I fell over and badly sprained my ankle leaving it incredibly difficult to walk for the rest of the holiday.  For me this was a real wake up call.  If I don’t start doing something about my health, my weight and my work/life balance the rest of my life is not going to get any better.  If anything, worse.

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Our private infinity pool.

We talked a lot on that vacation about health and our lives and where we wanted to be.  He had a good friend who passed away some years ago now.  She tried for years and years to give up smoking but couldn’t. During her career she worked incredibly hard for all they had. She was the hardest of workers.  It came to her one day, a little too late, that if she is such a hard worker, then giving up smoking is just hard work and I know I can do that.

Now I am sure I‘m not doing this story any justice but it rang true with me.  I work bloody hard, so this is just another something I need to work hard at, and to me it makes total sense. I have worked hard all my life in my career; surely I can work hard at something that is going to keep me alive and feeling good.

Yes, it does sound way too easy but it’s put my head into a totally different space and that’s a good thing. So here I go.

But, just a little bit differently this time.

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